The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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