He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
