They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
