I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You need Xanax blowdarts
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
