M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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