i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
