Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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