I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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