OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Text me some of your sweat
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