david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize