"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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