ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
