READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
