I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You need Xanax blowdarts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
