I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
