Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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