oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
