There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
