She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
