I puked a lego.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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