you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
