you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
