I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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