Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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