my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
