first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize