we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
