I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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