Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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