ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
