No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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