When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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