I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
