I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
