Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize