I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
