Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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