There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
