My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
