He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize