Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
