Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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