I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
