He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
