well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
