think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
