That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
