I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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