Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize