I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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