I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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