I'm going to rape someone's good day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
