You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
