I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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