Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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