Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
