god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize