I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
