Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
