she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
