My cat gives me a boner
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize