i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
