No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I still have a little drunk in my system
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So here I am, sexting at work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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