he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
