Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
