respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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