happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
