Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
