I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
