thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
