I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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