Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
