bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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