discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
