I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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