the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it was like eating out sand paper
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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