Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize