So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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