All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
