I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
