he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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