Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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