Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
