Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
