TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
