Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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