I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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