I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In other news, I just burned my penis
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
