i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
