I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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